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The Ivy Coach College Admissions Blog

At Smith College, parent letters are optional. That's right. Letters from parents can be included with the application.

Parent letters and college admission. When you think of a letter from a parent being included with a student’s college application, you might think it’s utterly ridiculous. Why would a college want a letter from a parent, asks writer Justin Pope in “The Huffington Post”? Of course the vast majority of parents (and every parent we know) want their children to earn admission to the colleges of their dreams, but isn’t including a letter from a parent like the “Everybody Loves Raymond” episode where Marie lobbies an interviewer to give her son, Robert, a job?

The answer is that, yes, it is utterly ridiculous, but it is an option at certain colleges. And at these schools, parents should indeed take the option to submit letters. So what colleges? How about Smith, Holy Cross, and Mt. Holyoke? That’s right. At these colleges, parent letters are considered optional. And in this case, that means parents should do it to improve the odds for their children.

But what should be written in these college admission recommendations from parents? These letters should shed insight on your child that isn’t necessarily present in teacher or guidance counselor letters of recommendation. These letters should describe your child in a way that only you can. What these letters should not focus on is how your child’s favorite TV show is “Glee” and how he always leaves his dirty clothes under his bed. But they also shouldn’t be about how he’s such a good boy that he never leaves his dirty laundry under the bed. These letters must share significant insight.

Sometimes sharing an anecdote can be the best way to convey the kind of person your child is. While we’ve said it before as students write college essays, we’ll say it again: Show. Don’t tell. You have an audience for these letters. An audience with a short attention span. So engage them right off the bat! These letters are ultimately not the most significant components of one’s application to a school like Smith but, in college admissions, every component counts.

Maybe you’ve read our posts on the importance of your guidance counselor recommendation in the college admissions process. Or maybe you haven’t yet. If you haven’t, check out this post on Guidance Counselor Letters of Recommendation. It’s very important that you establish a relationship with your guidance counselor early on in your high school career. It’s very important that your guidance counselor gets to know you as an individual so he/she doesn’t just fill out a template recommendation that doesn’t set you apart from Harry. But let’s say you didn’t believe us when we told you how important the guidance counselor recommendation really is.

Your guidance counselor recommendation is one of the most important components of your college application. So be nice to your guidance counselor! You should anyway!

We now have some more data to back up our stance. According to a study conducted by the National Association of College Admission Counseling (NACAC) to which The Ivy Coach is a member in good standing, the guidance counselor recommendation is one of ten things that colleges want from applicants and 19.4% of college admissions counselors believe it is the most important part of your application, according to “The Huffington Post.” So is it the single most important part of your application, according to the data? No. But 19.4% matters quite a bit in the competitive, high stakes games of selective college admissions.

So ask politely if your guidance counselor can meet next week. Thank him/her for writing your letter of recommendation. Thank him/her for sitting down for an hour with you to go over course selection. Don’t ask for course changes because you want a better lunch break. The impression you’re leaving on your guidance counselor is a lasting one — one that will have a tremendous impact on your chances in the selective college admissions process.

College admissions letters of rec should come from your guidance counselors and the teachers who know you best. These letters of rec should not come from your state’s governor. What does Chris Christie know about you as a student? These letters of rec should also not come from a famous person you happened to run into at a shopping mall. Even if said famous person agreed to write your college admission letter of rec, what do you think this famous person could possibly say about you? That you pressed the elevator button well? Don’t try to impress college admissions counselors with letters of recommendation from famous people. They don’t care and it’ll only hurt your chances.

Justin Timberlake should not be writing your college admissions letter of recommendation. Don't try to impress college admissions counselors. Impress your teachers and your guidance counselor instead.

Rather, focus your efforts on securing great letters of recommendation from your guidance counselor and your teachers. Think about what kind of student you are in your classes. Are you the student who is a wallflower, sitting at the back of the classroom and refusing to participate in class discussion? Maybe you get great grades but what is your teacher going to write about in her recommendation? That you sit nicely and get great grades? That won’t go over well. You want to be someone who changes the course of class discussions, who inspires debate, who shows a real passion for learning and true intellectual curiosity.

Your transcript already shows your grades so a good college admissions letter of rec will show all that isn’t on your transcript. It’ll show that you’re a student a college must have, the kind of student who will add to the diversity of thought on a college campus. Think about the classes in which you’ve really participated in class discussions. Think of specific times when you offered an opinion that really ignited conversation. And don’t forget to remind your teachers about these instances as there’s a good chance they’ve forgotten.

For more information, check out this newsletter on Effective Letters of Recommendation or this one on Counselor Letters of Recommendation.

As your guidance counselors sit down to write their recommendations on your behalf, we’d like to give you a word or two of advice. Thank them. You shouldn’t think of it as their job to write you a letter of recommendation. Is it? Yes. But don’t think like that because you’ll only dig yourself into a hole. You need to thank your guidance counselor profusely for writing a letter of recommendation about you. Not only because it will help your chances for admission to highly selective colleges, but it’s the right thing to do.

Tammy Taylor (played by Connie Britton) on "Friday Night Lights" always had her students' backs. Your guidance counselor likely has your back, too. Make sure you thank him/her. It will only help your chances for admission. It's also the right thing to do.

Guidance counselor recommendations take quite a bit of time to write. Good guidance counselors don’t just cut and paste form letters, changing a word here or a word there. Rather, they find out what you’re like inside a classroom from teachers. They sit down and get to know you. They get to know your parents. They even know what you like to do outside of school.

Guidance counselors have tremendous power in the college admissions process and we highly recommend that you try to develop a strong relationship with your guidance counselor. There are few things as important in the highly competitive college admissions process. It’s your guidance counselor who is going to be in position to lobby on your behalf if you’re deferred or put on a waitlist. It’s the guidance counselor who is going to tip you off that one teacher may not write the best college letters of recommendation (always listen to this subtle advice)! We know firsthand. Our founder, Bev Taylor, was a high school guidance counselor for many years.

We’re often asked questions about whether students should submit college letters of recommendation from important people. The answer is yes! Colleges should be receiving letters of recommendation from some of the most important people in your life – the teachers who have shaped your education and your high school guidance counselor. Notice that we wrote “in your life.” Too often, parents think that a letter of recommendation from their government representative or from their boss, a well known CEO, will help their child’s admissions prospects.

A college letter of recommendation from a senator who doesn't know you may well do more harm than good.

They couldn’t be more wrong! College admissions counselors don’t want to hear from senators and CEOs of Fortune 500 companies who don’t know the applicant at all. What is that letter of recommendation going to say? “Daniel’s father is an excellent, smart employee. He really helped us in Q3. I imagine his son is smart, too.” That would be ridiculous. You’re not going to impress college admissions counselors with college letters of recommendation from big names.

At service academies like West Point and Annapolis, it’s a requirement for admission to have a letter of recommendation from the local representative. But at just about every other college in the nation, you’d be making a major mistake to submit such a letter. College admissions counselors may even laugh and think, “This kid thought this letter from big name that says absolutely nothing was going to help? I’ll show him!” And by showing him, that college admissions counselor is going to deny him admission.

For those students who chose to remain on university waitlists, you likely sent in a card indicating that you wish to remain on the waitlist. But is that all you did? Have you just been sitting back and waiting for that university to get back to you? If so, your approach is all wrong. Getting off the university waitlist requires proactivity. You should have contacted your regional admissions officer at that university. You should have sent in a letter of enthusiasm to the university. You should have inquired about sending an additional letter of recommendation. Or what if since you applied in January, you received a Nobel Prize? Unlikely but if you accomplished something great (it doesn’t have to be a Nobel Prize!), you should ask your guidance counselor to update the university admissions office that has you on the waitlist.

Being proactive can prove important in getting off the university waitlist.

Getting off the university waitlist requires persistence, attention to detail, and creativity. Just think about it — most students do nothing. Absolutely nothing. This is your opportunity to stand out, to let it be known to university admissions counselors that you still want to attend and that if admitted off the waitlist you will attend. Listen to this audio from “The New York Times” on Christoph Guttentag, the Dean of Undergraduate Admissions at Duke University, who suggests these very things to get off the university waitlist. He would know…he offered 3,383 students spots on this year’s waiting list at Duke!

Check out our newsletters: The College Waitlist and Waitlisted? Welcome to Limbo!.

On the Secondary School Report (SSR) and the Teacher Evaluation of the Common Application, the question reads:

IMPORTANT PRIVACY NOTICE: Under the terms of the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA), after you matriculate you will have access to this form and all other recommendations and supporting documents submitted by you and on your behalf after matriculating, unless at least one of the following is true:

1. The institution does not save recommendations post-matriculation (see list at www.commonapp.org/FERPA).

2. You waive your right to access below, regardless of the institution to which it is sent:

Yes, I do waive my right to access, and I understand I will never see this form or any other recommendations submitted by me or on my behalf.

No, I do not waive my right to access, and I may someday choose to see this form or any other recommendations or supporting documents submitted by me or on my behalf to the institution at which I’m enrolling, if that institution saves them after I matriculate.

Students and their parents often ask us how they should answer this question. Our answer is always the same: Waive your rights!

By waiving your right to access, your teachers and counselor have the freedom to write honest evaluations. When college admissions counselors read school reports or teacher evaluations and the student has not waived his/her rights, this can be an unnecessary red flag and one that can sometimes result in a denial. By waiving your right to access, your teachers and counselor have the freedom to write honest evaluations.

It is through the letters of recommendation and evaluations that an admissions committee can get another glimpse into just who the applicant is. When the applicant does not waive his/her rights, the admissions committee may assume that the writer of those recommendations is being less than candid and that the full story is not being told. When this becomes apparent, admissions counselors can and do read between the lines.

Before you ask for a letter or recommendation, you need to think very carefully about the teachers with whom you have a good relationship and those who could discuss your attributes in a most positive light. In addition to writing you a letter, the teachers who you select may also have to complete teacher evaluations, so it is important that you consider these ratings and how you think your teachers will respond.

The Teacher Evaluation of the Common Application has the following criteria on which your teachers rate you: (Your guidance counselor completes the Secondary School Report with other questions).

Ratings: Compared to other students in his or her class year, how do you rate this student in terms of:

Waiving your right to access is really a no-brainer since the only way you will have the right to see your recommendations would be if you were accepted and then matriculated at the college. Once you are already enrolled, it doesn’t make much sense why you would even care about reading these letters.

So trust the people whom you’ve asked to fill out the forms and write your letters of recommendation. If you value the relationship that you have with the people whom you ask, and they agree to do it, then there is every reason why you would want to waive your rights.

1. Since some colleges have different guidelines, make sure you read the instructions on each application before you choose the people who will write your recommendations.

2. For the majority of colleges, however, restrict your choices to the following junior year courses (English, math, history, science, and foreign language) and then select two teachers who you think know you the best, and have a favorable impression of you.

3. In addition to writing you a letter, the teachers that you select may also have to complete teacher evaluations, so it is important that you consider those ratings and how you think your teachers will respond. Below is the criteria (copied from the Common Application) on which your teachers will be rating you:

Compared to other students in his or her class year, how do you rate this student in terms of:

a. Academic achievement

b. Intellectual promise

c. Quality of writing

d. Creative, original thought

e. Productive class discussion

f. Respect accorded by faculty

g. Disciplined work habits

h. Maturity

i. Motivation

j. Leadership

k. Integrity

l. Reaction to setbacks

m. Concern for others

n. Self-confidence

o. Initiative, independence

p. Overall

Next to each aforementioned category is a box for the teacher to check. The headings for each column are: No basis, Below average, Average, Good (above average), Very good (well above average), Excellent (top 10%), Outstanding (top 5%), One of the top few I’ve encountered (top 1%)

In addition to the aforementioned ratings, your teachers are asked the following questions:

a. How long have you known this student and in what context?

b. What are the first words that come to your mind to describe this student?

c. List the courses you have taught this student, noting for each the student’s year in school (10th, 11th, 12th; first-year, sophomore; etc.) and the level of course difficulty (AP, IB, accelerated, honors, elective; 100-level, 200-level, etc.).

d. Please write whatever you think is important about this student, including a description of academic and personal characteristics, as demonstrated in your classroom. We welcome information that will help us to differentiate this student from others.

4. If you’re basically a ‘B’ student, you do not have to choose the teacher of a class in which you earned an ‘A.’ In fact, a letter from a teacher from a class where you earned a ‘C’ may have more relevance, especially if that teacher writes about how you put forth your very best effort in his or her class.

5. Your guidance counselor may give you some insight into a particular teacher’s writing style, so discuss with your counselor the teachers who you are planning to ask for these letters.

6. Once you decide which teachers to ask, don’t forget to ask them.

7. September of your senior year is typically a perfect time to ask your teachers for these letters, however, some teachers may want to know this in the spring of your junior year so that they can do this work over the summer.

8. Set up an appointment when you can meet with your teachers so that you can help them write more effective letters. For this meeting, it is always a good idea to give them some written responses to anything specific that you hope will be addressed in this letter including your academic and personal strengths, a memorable experience that you had in the class, something very significant that you learned, an outstanding project, paper, presentation, etc. about which you feel your teachers need to be reminded.

9. If you choose not to furnish your teachers with specific information, keep in mind that they may very well write a generic letter that will not be of any help for you in the admissions process.

10. Once your teachers write your letter of recommendation, remember to send them a thank you note, and keep them informed as to admissions decisions.

It is imperative in the college admissions process (and in life) that students think before they speak because once the words are spoken, even an apology can’t take them back. If before you write anything you read it over several times, checking your grammar, spelling, punctuation and certainly your tone, you need to apply a similar procedure in oral communication during college interviews, interactions with teachers and guidance counselors, and communications with college admissions counselors. In the college admissions process and in life, people judge your character on how you express yourself. When you take the second to weigh your words, you can gain the respect and admiration of your peers and elders and avoid the pitfalls of saying something you should have never said.

A 21st Century term “helicopter parent” refers to a person who pays extremely close attention to his or her child or children, particularly at educational institutions. They rush to prevent any harm or failure from befalling them or letting them learn from their own mistakes, sometimes even contrary to the children’s wishes. They are so named because, like a helicopter, they hover closely overhead, rarely out of reach whether their children need them or not. An extension of the term, “Black Hawks” has been coined for those who cross the line from a mere excess of zeal to unethical behavior such as writing their children’s college admission essays.

Below are 20 questions for you to answer and find out if you are a helicopter parent with regard to the college admissions process.

1. Do all of your conversations with your child involve the college admissions process?

2. Do conversations that begin about something entirely different end up with college admissions as a focal point?

3. Do you listen to your child when you have conversations regarding college admissions?

4. Have you abandoned reading your usual novels and replaced them with college guides and books on how to gain admission?

5. Do you worry incessantly that your child will not be accepted at the college of his or her choice, or worse, the college of your choice?

6. Do you lose sleep because you’re concerned that your child is not doing enough to make himself / herself stand out in his / her class?

7. Do you have family meetings to brainstorm ways to make your child unique?

8. Do you talk with your friends about colleges?

9. Do you call or e-mail admissions offices asking for information?

10. Do you schedule visits to colleges and make appointments for your child to meet with admissions counselors or other college representatives?

11. Are you concerned about what your child will write for personal statements and essays?

12. Do you keep an ongoing list of your child’s extracurricular activities?

13. Do you continually ask your child to join more clubs or become more involved in activities?

14. Through your friends and colleagues at work, do you arrange internships for your child?

15. Do you communicate too often with your child’s guidance counselor and think that you know more than your child’s counselor?

16. Do you communicate with your child’s teachers when you’re not happy with a grade your child has received?

17. Do you push your child to take more rigorous classes even if these classes may not be appropriate?

18. Are you making a list of colleges for your child without his / her input?

19. Would you be happy if your child was accepted and decided to attend a school that was not on your list?

20. In regard to the college admissions process and your child’s everyday educational and extracurricular pursuits, might your child say that you are way too involved?

If you have answered yes to 10 or more of these questions, then you are indeed a “helicopter parent” and you need help! Let an expert, The Ivy Coach, assist you and your child in the college admissions process and at the same time help maintain family harmony. Contact us today.