Ivy League Admission
The Ivy Coach College Admissions Blog

At Smith College, parent letters are optional. That's right. Letters from parents can be included with the application.

Parent letters and college admission. When you think of a letter from a parent being included with a student’s college application, you might think it’s utterly ridiculous. Why would a college want a letter from a parent, asks writer Justin Pope in “The Huffington Post”? Of course the vast majority of parents (and every parent we know) want their children to earn admission to the colleges of their dreams, but isn’t including a letter from a parent like the “Everybody Loves Raymond” episode where Marie lobbies an interviewer to give her son, Robert, a job?

The answer is that, yes, it is utterly ridiculous, but it is an option at certain colleges. And at these schools, parents should indeed take the option to submit letters. So what colleges? How about Smith, Holy Cross, and Mt. Holyoke? That’s right. At these colleges, parent letters are considered optional. And in this case, that means parents should do it to improve the odds for their children.

But what should be written in these college admission recommendations from parents? These letters should shed insight on your child that isn’t necessarily present in teacher or guidance counselor letters of recommendation. These letters should describe your child in a way that only you can. What these letters should not focus on is how your child’s favorite TV show is “Glee” and how he always leaves his dirty clothes under his bed. But they also shouldn’t be about how he’s such a good boy that he never leaves his dirty laundry under the bed. These letters must share significant insight.

Sometimes sharing an anecdote can be the best way to convey the kind of person your child is. While we’ve said it before as students write college essays, we’ll say it again: Show. Don’t tell. You have an audience for these letters. An audience with a short attention span. So engage them right off the bat! These letters are ultimately not the most significant components of one’s application to a school like Smith but, in college admissions, every component counts.

Students admitted to college need to keep up their grades or risk their admissions decisions being rescinded.

If you’re a student who recently received an acceptance letter — or many acceptance letters — to the college or colleges of your dreams, be sure not to start slacking off. Why’s that? Because the very same college that may have once offered you a spot in their incoming freshman class may now choose to rescind their offer should your grades slip or should you get yourself into trouble.

About two-thirds of rescinded decisions are the result of slipping grades. Does that mean that if you get your first “B,” you’ll lose your offer of admission? No. That would be extremely unlikely. What if you get an “F” or a couple of “D’s?” In that case, yes, your offer of admission is certainly now in jeopardy. Why would you put yourself in this position? If you were able to maintain great grades for so many years, why couldn’t you do it for just a few more months? Is it really worth it to risk it all?

And what’s the other one-third of rescinded admissions decisions? Disciplinary actions. That could mean acting out at school, getting suspended, getting arrested, or even participating in senior pranks. Just because you got into college doesn’t mean you can become this whole new person who doesn’t have any regard for the rules and regulations of your school and society. Such disregard for the rules (or laws) can very well jeopardize your offer of admission. So stay out of trouble. Admitted high school seniors need to behave and keep their grades up or risk losing so much of what they’ve ever worked for.

Check out our newsletter on Senioritis.

There’s a blog that’s getting some press called “The Neurotic Parent” by J.D. Rothman. We’ve written about Ms. Rothman’s amusing blog on the highly selective college admissions process before. This country need more parents like her who are able to not only recognize the craziness and ridiculousness of some parents going through the college admissions process with their children but are able to write about it in a humorous way that so many others can relate to.

Parents naturally worry during the college admissions process. It's normal. But try to avoid saying ridiculous things you'll later regret during this stressful time.

Ms. Rothman writes about comments she overhears from parents (or sometimes they’re comments said directly to her) that are so outlandish. Here’s an example: “From our daughter’s school, you need to play golf or water polo to get into Stanford.” Really? You certainly don’t need to golf or play water polo to get into Stanford no matter what high school you go to. It’s possible that the water polo coach recruits annually from your child’s high school but to say that you need to play one of those two sports to get in should make Anderson Cooper’s “RidicuList.”

Here’s another comment reported by Ms. Rothman: “Harvard was a big diss because she’s not only a legacy, but someone who could absolutely do the work.” Wow. We don’t have to add any additional commentary to that! And one more: “In a four-hour period last Thursday she was shut out by four Ivies, as well as Williams and Tufts.” Yikes! Even worse that everyone is talking about it! But that’s life, unfortunately.

Bottom line: Don’t be one of these crazy parents. Don’t be the parent who obsesses openly to anyone who will listen about your daughter’s chances of getting into Princeton. It’s normal to worry about this. It’s normal to talk to your spouse about this. But there’s no reason to have to talk about it at the grocery store so all can overhear it. There’s no reason to gossip about every other child’s admissions results. Just worry about your own kid.

If you’re a regular reader of our blog, you know where we stand on the preschool admission process. It’s absolutely absurd! In Manhattan, admission to preschool is as competitive as the Duke-UNC rivalry. Parents on the Upper West Side and the Upper East Side will do anything to ensure that their two and a half year-old gets admitted to the preschool of their dreams. You read that right.

A ridiculous preschool in Manhattan is now requiring DNA testing of toddler applicants. Shame, shame on them!

But the competitive preschool admissions process in New York City is nothing new. What is new is DNA testing for preschool admission! You read that right, too! According to the NPR piece on preschool admission, at the Portsafillo Preschool Academy, all preschool applicants now need to submit DNA at the door. And why’s that? Well, apparently the school’s headmaster, Rebecca Unsinn is a former pediatric neurologist and she believes that there are genetic markers that can predict future success.

We’re not about standing against science. There probably are genetic markers that can predict success. But the fact that this ridiculous preschool headmaster on a major power trip is requiring DNA from the 12,000 toddler applicants for 32 slots is shameful. Since Rebecca Unsinn is a neurologist, that means she went to medical school and she swore by the Hippocratic Oath. How is requiring DNA from toddlers to search for genetic markers to predict success doing no harm? How is eugenics in the best interest of humanity?

Ms. Unsinn also claims that students at her ridiculous school learn C++. That’s right. The computer language. Right. We’re sure three year-olds are coding right in between snacks of apple juice and graham crackers, that is if they’re not too busy getting their DNA evaluated to see if they’re fit to be the next President of the United States. Ms. Unsinn, we help students earn admission each and every year to the most prestigious colleges in America – from Harvard to Dartmouth to Duke and Stanford. Your preschool and you — are an utter joke to us. Shame on you and shame on Porsafillo Pre!

April Fools! You really thought this was real?! Got ya!

Parents have a habit of embarrassing their children on college tours. Usually, they don’t intend to embarrass their children. It just happens. Even just being on the college tour can embarrass their children. It’s a fact of life. But what can parents do so as not to embarrass their children on college tours? There are a few things!

The actor pictured above may have once asked a question on a college tour that embarrassed his son.

Parents should avoid prodding their children to ask questions. If a kid isn’t asking questions, chances are good that the kid doesn’t want to ask questions. Maybe she doesn’t have any questions. Maybe she’s too shy to ask. Maybe she can find out the answers online so there’s no point in asking the question. So many parents so obviously prod their child to ask a question on college tours (as well as at information sessions). They want their child to make a good impression. But really all the leader of the info session remembers is how you, the parent, embarrassed your child. Sometimes admissions officers do lead info sessions and sometimes applicants can leave an impression. But parents cannot force this. It just doesn’t work.

Parents shouldn’t ask embarrassing questions on college tours. Several years ago, one of the stars of the former ABC sudster “All My Children” was on a tour at Tufts University with his son. The actor asked how much it would cost to give the university a library. The child was mortified! How embarrassing! He quickly separated from his father and pretended he was with another family. Don’t ask how much a library would cost. And don’t ask if there’s drinking inside fraternities. Assume there is based on common sense!

Lastly, let your child form an impression of the university. Don’t form an impression for them by letting them know what you think of the school. Let them tell you what they think of it first as, otherwise, you’re priming them with information that will influence their opinion. And the school that you like may well not be the school that they like.

There is an article in this weekend’s “Washington Post” that describes what university admissions counselors are doing in order to invite parents into the college admissions planning process. In the article, parents talk about how colleges host fairs and activities but there isn’t an activity that is targeted for parents and at the end of the day, it’s going to be the parents who are paying for their child’s college experience. And then there’s a college tour guide who talks about how he wishes parents couldn’t go on college tours because they take a whole lot of fun out of them.

But the article also discusses ways in which colleges have been catering to parents of college applicants as they do their college admissions planning. Many universities have in fact been designing college admissions planning events that are fun and informative just for them. According to the “Washington Post” article, “In this spring admission season, many colleges target parents via their Web sites, and some address financial aid letters: ‘To the parents of . . . .’ Catholic University plans to have a parents-only reception with administrators, professors and alumni this month.”

“St. Mary’s College of Maryland posts letters from parents and their e-mail addresses on its admissions Web site. And Wake Forest University hosts a ‘mock class’ for parents to pepper faculty with questions. Students have long sought to make independent choices about college. ‘Now it’s a family decision,’ said Martha Allman, dean of admissions at Wake Forest.”

Colleges cater to parents as well as students.

Check out the “Washington Post” article on parents and college admissions planning.

And take a look at our related blogs: College admissions parenting and helicopter parents.

There is a great opinion piece in this month’s “The Atlantic” titled “The Ivy Delusion.” In the article, Caitlin Flanagan writes about various parenting styles of mothers and how these styles can influence the college admissions outlooks of their children. She describes different archetypes of mothers from the Amy Chuas of the world to the relaxed parents who merely want their children to live happy childhoods, even if that means not getting into an Ivy League school come their seventeenth year.

Writes Flanagan, “Elite-college admissions offices drive professional-class parents crazy because in many respects they do not operate as meritocracies. Consider, for example, those students admitted via one of the two programs that stand as strange mirror opposites: those that give preferential treatment to the sons and daughters of alumni, and those that extend it to the children of unrepresented minorities. The latter practice suggests that generations of injustice and prejudice can be redressed by admission to a fancy college, the former that generations of inclusion and privilege demand their own special prize; the two philosophies would seem to cancel one another out, but each has its place in the larger system.”

We at The Ivy Coach don’t agree with Flanagan that you have to raise your children one way if they hope to get admitted to a highly competitive university. There are many ways to raise children who will gain admission to top universities and become successful in life. Parents don’t have to force their children to take piano lessons. They don’t have to make them play chess if they don’t like it. Happy childhoods and paths toward admission to a highly competitive university are not mutually exclusive.

As Dartmouth alumnus Robert Frost wrote, “Two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.” Sometimes, the road less traveled may be the secret to both a happy childhood and admission to the college of your choice.

Check out the article in “The Atlantic” here.

Read our blog on “Helicopter Parents” .

There is an article in today’s “NY Daily News,” the ultimate source of news that is neither interesting nor noteworthy, that focuses on a Manhattan mom who is suing the preschool her daughter attended for hurting her 4 year-old’s chances of admission to an Ivy League school because they didn’t prepare her dc (darling child) for the ERBs (the SATs for kindergarten admission). Imagine that!

The suit brought by the mother, Nicole Imprescia, claims, “At age four, [York Avenue Preschool] was still teaching [Imprescia's] daughter about shapes and colors – a two year old’s learning environment…Like many parents living in Manhattan, [Imprescia] places a priority on her child’s preschool education.” Adds Jose Martinez of the “NY Daily News,” The suit quotes from an article that identifies elite preschools as the first step for getting children into the best elementary and high schools ‘and on to the Ivy League.’”

The mother not only wants her $19,000/year tuition refunded by York Avenue Preschool but she hopes that the suit becomes a class-action one so that other toddlers who are later denied admission to elite colleges can pinpoint where it all went so terribly wrong. Not being “properly prepped for the standardized test…can mean the difference between Dalton and – gasp! – public school.

In an interview with Steve Nelson, Head of the Calhoun School in Manhattan, “Nicole Imprescia’s daughter probably won’t apply to Calhoun for kindergarten, but we wouldn’t take her anyway. It’s not because of the lawsuit. We’re just not interested in families who think prepping for standardized tests is a good way to raise a child.” Who is he kidding – of course it’s about the lawsuit! The lawsuit that’s about to follow Imprescia’s daughter throughout her elementary and high school years…and maybe even to the attention of Ivy League admissions officers years down the road…

Jessica:

“Should I like write on the cover page of like the graded paper? You know, like Union College Supplement – Graded Paper?”

The Ivy Coach:

“You can write ‘Union College Supplement – Graded Paper,’ but please delete the word ‘like’ as this is not appropriate for oral or written speech except when you’re saying that you’re very fond of something or when you want to refer to something that is similar to something else.”

Jessica:

“Duh, I wasn’t going to like write ‘like’ on the cover page! It’s just how I like normally talk, you know, I guess it’s like a New York thing.”

The Ivy Coach:

“We know you weren’t going to do that Jessica, but you really do have to break yourself of the habit. You’re an intelligent girl, but when you speak using filler words such as, ‘like’ and ‘you know,’ people may make a negative judgment about your intellect and recognize a lack of self-confidence in you. Sometimes, when the speaker uses so many filler words or filler sounds, the listener has no idea what the person is actually saying and consequently stops listening. It’s a really bad habit but the good news is that if you actually pay attention to what you’re saying, you can correct it.”

“It’s a ‘New York thing.” We think not. According to Wikipedia, “Valspeak is a common name for an American sociolect, originally of Southern Californians, in particular valley girls. This stereotype originated in the 1970′s, but was at its peak in the 1980′s and lost popularity in the late 1990′s and 2000′s. Though for a brief period a national fad, many phrases and elements of Valspeak, along with surfer slang and skateboarding slang, are stable elements of the California English dialect lexicon, and in some cases wider American English (such as the widespread use of “like” as conversational filler). Elements of Valspeak can now be found virtually everywhere English is spoken, particularly among young native English speakers.’”

*****

Another speech pattern that is particularly distracting for the listener is when the speaker finishes a sentence with a rising inflection that would normally indicate a question but the statement is clearly declarative. From this pattern of speech, it appears as if the speaker is insecure and is looking for assurance from the listener, such as a “yes” before he or she continues talking.

When hearing students speak with filler words and sounds or rising inflections, there’s always the concern that admissions counselors or alumni interviewers will be distracted as to what the student is trying to convey. But aside from that, the interviewer can become easily frustrated and even annoyed. Since the college interview is a chance for the applicant to make the interviewer aware of all that the student can contribute to the campus community, this becomes an opportunity lost.

All is not lost if students are made aware of their speech habits as only then can they correct them. All they need to do is to think before they speak. In the college admissions process and in life, people judge your character on how well you express yourself. When you take the second and think before you speak, you can not only improve your speech habits but you can also gain the respect and admiration of others.

On July 19th and 22nd, The Ivy Coach gave seminars in China on the U.S. college admissions process. One seminar was at Beijing University and another was at a high school in Nanjing. The turnout was fantastic for both. What was so wonderful was that we met some incredible students who were very excited about the prospect of studying in the Unite States.

When they passed us questions for a Q & A, we observed that their ability to communicate in writing was greater than their ability to communicate verbally. It appears that they have been taught English very well but have not had the opportunity to practice their oral skills. One student in particular told us about how he started his own business selling hard-covered bound notebooks with either doodle space or Sudoku puzzles randomly printed in the corners of different pages and how he donated the profits from the notebook sales to a relief fund for victims of the Sichuan Earthquake. He even brought a sample to show us.

When we asked another student if he had been able to make the trip to Hong Kong to take the SATs, he told us that he had and then he proceeded to tell us his scores. “An 800 in math, of course, like every other Chinese student, but I’m working on my critical reading which was only a 580.” This student brought his SAT book with him, and we noticed it was from before the exam was last revised. There is a real problem for students in China to get current college guidebooks and SAT review books. While we were there, we searched Amazon.com, and saw some very dated materials…so they can’t even purchase the most recent books.

We will be returning to China to do more of these seminars in different cities including Beijing, Nanjing, and Shanghai. We don’t have the exact dates yet, but if you’re interested in attending, please contact us and we will forward your e-mail to the sponsors so that we can reserve a seat for you. The seminars are in English and translated into Chinese. They are open to the public and are free of charge.